APPRECIATION: How Imago Dialogue can shift the mood of any moment
CLICK THE ARROW BELOW AND LISTEN TO A LIVE IMAGO DIALOGUE WITH AMY AND MICHAEL OF COURAGEOUS LOVING AS THEY SHARE AN APPRECIATION:
How can Imago Dialogue turn any situation into a spiritual moment?
Over the past few weeks, Mondays have turned into mini-crisis management days. Two Mondays ago, we faced a scare of having to turn in our license plates to the state of New York (just paid a fine – whew!). Last week Amy opened her bank account and found money stolen (identity theft is real, folks). Yesterday, Amy’s father was in the hospital, coming off heart surgery at Mt. Sinai on the Upper East Side of NYC. It was wet and cold, I was sick (as you can hear in the recording above), and I imagined that if this was a decade ago – a younger, much less likable version of me from the past would have been hearing the voice in my mind complain, something like, “Why do I have to be here? It’s her father. Doesn’t she understand I have to work today?”
Instead, without hesitation, I walked side by side with my partner, 
heading to a Deli to by chicken soup for my father-in-law, grateful for the opportunity to be present and supportive. As I walked from this posture, an APPRECIATION bubbled up within Amy, one very similar to what we’ve recorded above.
It was simply my presence that awakened Amy a sense that she has a partner, and how much that means to her. So she invited me into an IMAGO DIALOGUE right there on the street, to share her APPRECIATION within a structured method of communication.
To do so on the fly, right there as we walked down the streets of New York, is like being a jazz musician at a jam session. Whaddaya want play? You know that one…. alright. SNAP. 2…, 3…, 4… DIALOGUE! The structure of IMAGO DIALOGUE turns small moments into big moments, transforms the nerves of handling the unknown, or entering potentially distressful environments, into an experience of connection and open-heartedness.
The structure allows you to yield to a partner, to feel safe in surrendering as her feelings blend within the space you are providing her. If you follow the rules, you can’t help but be touched, or at least to feel grounded and safe.
TRY THIS:
Listen to the IMAGO DIALOGUE above, and see if you notice the dynamics, the space that we’re creating, and the way that what I receive from Amy’s “send” touches a memory within me that brings me to a deeper place. Scroll up, listen and click the link above to leave a comment.
While your at it, take a look at this piece about “Deep Conversations” by Tim Atkinson, the Director of Imago Relationships International. http://tinyurl.com/yb87f7a
Peace.
Michael
Thank you for sharing this example of Imago Dialogue, Amy and Michael. I love the active listening and mirroring. I know some listeners could hear it as being stiff, since you are repeating almost verbatim what Amy is saying. However, it is so rare that we give each other the gift of our full attention, so I see this as a very important exercise for couples. It can be very important for anyone in relationship!
I also love how you call it “Martial Arts for our relationship.” Thank you! Michelle
Hi Michelle – You know, it’s interesting to hear you say that the mirroring is stiff – which I understand – especially when new people try this. For me, it’s not that anymore. It is meditative. It gives me a clear role of what I’m supposed to be thinking about in the dialogue, and it relaxes me. It is like “martial arts” for relationships. I’m working with a client now who is on the last legs of his marriage. And I asked him, are you dialoguing? are you mirroring? and he said no. So – it’s like, hey, this works – you want your marriage back, start doing it? If it feels stiff at first, that’s okay. Open up to what it feels like to receive the entire emotional energy of your partner going through you. that is divine. The “stiffness” of mirroring opens to an interchange that is sexual, healing, spiritual and trustworthy.
Much love – Michael
great post. I really like you guys are using video to help couples see how these dialogues happen. As a therapist, I know that many times explaining this process doesnt help couples to understand how it happens and what a difference it can make in their relationship. thanks for sharing!
Thanks for your comment, Esther. We want to be of service to therapists and coaches so that they can use our recorded dialogue work as a resource and role model for their clients. Come back anytime.
michael
Since I began the Imago training in December of 09 I have experienced a tremendous shift in my attitude towards my partner. Although after starting this training we made the decision to live apart and then a month after that to divorce we were able to switch from niggardly nitpicking combatants to
co-parents who might even remain friends and like that new role. The entire process is encouraging and takes courage. The more of it you have the more you can pass on to your partner and that can only result in a good outcome. Whether or not your partner follows the rules or plays fairly the point is made. Just by doing the Imago thing you learn how to humble yourself for the sake of the whole, the big picture whether in a relationship of two or one involving an entire family. Thanks so much.