PROFESSIONAL RELATIONSHIPS: Poise vs. Poison
LISTEN BELOW TO A CONVERSATION WITH COURAGEOUS LOVING
CO-FOUNDERS MICHAEL AND AMY SHERMAN ABOUT A HANDLING DIFFICULT RELATIONSHIPS AT WORK
What feelings go through your body while you are at work? And why?
Before creating Courageous Loving, I was a Middle School Teacher. Every day – for seven years – I faced a room filled with unbridled silliness, mischief and distraction. And that was just the teacher’s lounge.
There was something wonderful about teaching, especially when I was given freedom to express myself and empower the students to do the same (and this is something that I have carried over into the workshops I lead). At the same time, there was a lingering feeling that bristled in my body day after day telling me there was something wrong here, and I was silently, and sometimes not so silently, suffering.
“Only 182 more days,” someone would casually say as we began the school year. “Only 22 more years,” said another, jokingly waiting for retirement. Comments like these filled me with dread, as did unwanted criticism from authority figures, mixed in with out-of-control adolescent behavior. I wanted to revolt and shake the place up (how many of us have known an idealist like this?) Other days, I wanted to hide under my desk with the door locked like a fugitive waiting for the bell to ring.
Not every profession is like public school teaching, but if you work for a living, I invite you to get curious about the emotional experience that happens in your body during the course of a day. TRY THIS – bring a notepad with you and write down the emotions you feel at work as they happen all day long. Some of you may run out of paper before your first bathroom break.
Michael Carroll is the author of the book, Awake at Work. He describes people who severely unsettle us at work as “Tyrants” – but he follows by suggesting that “Welcoming the tyrant sharpens our intelligence and confidence, making us more effective and versatile.“
Here’s the thing about work relationships and emotional poise: The “Tyrant” isn’t the guy who doesn’t say hello in the morning, or the boss who demands with a nasty voice, or the client who refuses to commit with his words or his credit card. The tyrant is the pain-body experience that shape-shifts within us throughout the day as we balance a multiplicity of professional relationships.
It’s okay. We’ve all got one. It’s there for a reason. It’s our greatest teacher.
Learn to welcome your “Tyrant.”
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