MONEY and RELATIONSHIPS: Expressing Fear Authentically
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I’m not going to lie. I’m scared now. I’m scared because people who love working with us are choosing to end their journey because of money. I’m scared because I have to change my approach to marketing and maybe I’m doing things wrong. I’m scared because I don’t know what to do with my fear, and sometimes my fear turns into anger. I’m scared because my anger gets released at the people who I care about, who keep me alive.
There. I spoke my truth.
Fear is such an intense emotion. And money is so linked to fear. When it’s real for me, when I can feel the fear rather than run from it or turn it into something else, like anger and blame and resentment, then it shudders through my body and awakens other pieces of me that may have been dormant in my memory. Fear is a very difficult emotion to manage, and yet it is at the core of what is going on in our relationships — particularly now, because of money.
If we can let that shudder run through us, like an animal shaking off trauma, and turn that fear into honest, calmly spoken words, we’ve got a chance to open the door to connection in our relationships that may have been only defensiveness before. Simply saying, “I’m scared because…” and giving a reason has a much more loving impact than “HOW COME YOU DIDN’T … (fill the blank in with defensive anger and blame)” I’m no stranger to the latter. I’m still working towards mastery. I’m still working on turning that shudder of fear into words and letting my words work for me.
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Hi Michael,
Thank you for your honesty and forthrightness. THAT is courageous. It is rarely popular to express such difficult feelings openly, publicly. But, it is helpful, I believe, to many, if not all. Let’s drop the mask.
Fear can be so isolating, and those feeling and the thoughts that arise tend to focus so much on “me”….
I find it helpful when others are being simply authentic and real about what is going on in their lives.
I suspect that now there are basically two kinds of people out there: the ones who’ll admit and tell you that they are undergoing some major disruptions,uncertainties,( I am) and the ones who are feeling it all but won’t tell you. Not much in between.
I also know from past experiences that for some people, it hard to hear about others’ situations because they themselves feel triggered in some way to have to DO something, to fix something. Or that it brings up their own feelings of helplessness and powerlessness ans in soem cases, hoplessness, which obviously can be so uncomfortable–and who wants to admit to another that we are not feeling in control–especially when we have espoused all kinds of strategies for fulfilled living? What a dilemma!!
But it is a good thing to be real. It helps bring down the wall of separateness that we have all endured–one that robs life of meaning, in my opinion. It helps to dispel the superficiality that has become so prevalent in an atmosphere of spiritual materialism. It’s what we need.
So I sense an opportunity of some kind. But I can’t say what just yet. How can we really help one another live well? What is useful, meaningful, enduring?
This is why I try to sit everyday and feel the constriction in my body. Where is the embodiment of my resistance and fear? It’s in here….oh, there it is: it’s in my diaphragm–I’m not breathing well. Not taking it in and letting it go….stuck.
The age old pattern….Life in suspended animation.
I’m sure there is more.
Thanks for your sharing your thoughts.
Neil Borodkin
What an awesome and thoughtful comment. Thank you Neil. I love reading how it’s stuck in your diaphram. Thanks for recognizing my “courageous” to take the mask off.
michael