WORKING THROUGH CONFLICT: A Little Stink is Still a Stink

LISTEN BELOW TO A LIVE IMAGO DIALOGUE:  AMY AND MICHAEL SHERMAN OF COURAGEOUS LOVING WORK THROUGH A RELATIONSHIP CONFLICT TOGETHER

A long time ago, I worked for an ultra-orthodox Hassidic school for little boys.  I was teaching them English as a Second Language, although they were born and raised in Brooklyn.  As you may imagine, there were some pretty tight rules of what we were allowed to teach these kids.  For example, they weren’t permitted to look at any pictures of women, so the Dick and Jane books that we used were filled with black marks completely covering Jane on every page. Kinda limited the curriculum options.

Anyway, it was actually a fun job, and a memorable experience at that.  However, one day the administration gave us hand outs to use with the kids, but  they neglected to black out the picture of a television on the photocopy.  A young boy asked, “Mr. Sherman, what is this?”  And I was faced with a choice.  Do I keep my integrity and follow the rules I agreed to when I accepted the job?  Or to I ignore those rules and do my own thing?

“It’s a television.”  “A what?“  “A T.V.”  “NO!“  “Actually, yes. And I’m looking forward to watching mine tonight. In fact, I’m going to buy a T.V. and get a job at a T.V. station and create my own T.V. show.”  “NO!  It’s not true!“

A little fun couldn’t hurt anyone, yes?  Well, the next day, there was a meeting with the entire teaching staff.  And a very large and intimidating Rabbi spoke to us.  Actually, he spoke to me, only everyone else was there.  “DON’T MAKE A LITTLE STINK!  BECAUSE ONE LITTLE STINK MAKES A BIGGER STINK…. AND THEN ALL YOU HAVE IS STINK!“

And he was right.  I made an agreement, and I didn’t keep it. I had some fun, at the expense of keeping an agreement I made. And so it is in our relationships. We are only as good as our word.  When we keep our word, we find harmony with others and with our Higher Selves.  We remain spiritually clear, and in the flow of positivity.  It doesn’t mean we must be hyper and perfect about doing what we say and saying what we do.  But when we don’t repair our mistakes, the stink lingers.  And too often, relationships are filled with lingering stinks like dead mice.  After a while, it can make you sick to be in such an environment.

So listen to this Imago Dialogue between Amy and myself.  Over time, we’ll get into the nuances of Imago Dialogue, how it creates safe space between two partners, how it can be used in many situations (including at work – and particularly in sales), and how it can help you keep your word and work through conflict with grace and harmony.  Listen for yourself, listen with a partner, or share it with your clients (especially if you are a helping professional).  Hear how Amy called me to clean up a stink and get me back into integrity with myself and with her.  And listen to how I allow myself to trust the structure.

Let your words do the work for you!

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Much love, and more to come on Imago Dialogue and other topics.

Warmly, Michael