WATCH BELOW AS EACH OF THE MARX BROTHERS OFFERS YOU A MESSAGE OF LOVE FOR VALENTINE’S WEEK (Laugh a little – from Michael and Amy Sherman of Courageous Loving)
What is the best way to make someone feel special on Valentine’s Day?
Roses are a wonderful Valentine’s gift. The thrill of a surprise delivery of a dozen red roses received at the office sets the heart a flutter. Unless your name is Amy Sherman (my wife, for you newcomers). In her case, such a gift sent by her hubbie would lead to the following response: “Nice. But I wish you would have spent the money on a gift certificate to Lord and Taylor’s. Or Macy’s. Or even frikkin’ Target, already…”
For some, Valentine’s Day comes with a lot of pressure. How will you make your sweetie feel loved this year? If you’re tossing candy darts at a dartboard like Cupid with a blindfold on, you’re apt to miss the mark. And that disappointment under such heightened expectations can have a ripple effect that lasts beyond February 14th.
Here’s what I suggest. RELAX!
Take a breath. Then reflect. And open yourself to the idea of validation.
Validation is simply making someone feel like what’s important to them is important to you. And when you validate someone with your words or your actions or your gifts – it comes across like a high pop fly in baseball landing in the heel of a glove. Plop. That was supposed to feel that way.
Perfect.
TRY THIS: Before Valentine’s Day, really listen to your sweetie, or try to remember the things they’ve been thinking about for the last few weeks or months. Simply listen and remember – and then take some creative action based on what’s been going through their heads.
For example – (Amy — if you’re reading this…) – as you may guess from the video above, I’ve been sinking my teeth into the Marx Brothers over the last few weeks. If someone wanted to go out and buy me a boxed set of DVD’s – I might plotz so hard, you’d have to call 911. But you don’t have to spend to make someone feel validated. A little creativity goes a long way. A YouTube video, a poem written a la Groucho, a scribble with a Harp on it left on a wallet or a cellphone or a car dashboard …. anything like that and I’ll know that you’ve been listening to me.
And that feels mighty good.
It works for negative moods as well. Meaning, for those of you who know any accountants suffering through tax season right now (my mother included), think of something that will help them come up for air. If my Mom heard the words, “I know how hard you’ve been working,” it would sound as sweet to her as a song of little birdies in a nest at the break of day.
Ball in glove, folks. Validation feels like a shoe that fits. Only it’s not your shoe. This year, show someone that you really get them.
Much love, Michael
DISCOVER THE ART OF VALIDATION – FREE TELECLASS with Amy and Michael Sherman of Courageous Loving – Learn to make sense of the difficult people in your life – Thursday, February 11th, 2010 9pm EST – TO REGISTER – CLICK: HERE
NEW YORK AREA – VALENTINE’S DAY EVENT AT THE COURAGEOUS LOVING CENTER IN NYACK, NY – “INDIAN LOVE SEDER” – An exotic, delicious and insightful way to celebrate Valentine’s Day for Individuals and Couples. Home made Indian food will be served. $20 in advance. To learn more or to register, CLICK: HERE
BELOW: WATCH A POWERFUL VIDEO OF ESTHER HICKS SPEAKING ABOUT MOVING FORWARD WITH THE FLOW OF SPIRIT AND SOURCE ENERGY
How can you interpret your own future?
This Sunday, at our Center in Nyack, NY, we hosted a Wellness Day – a wondrous community
Michael Sherman of Courageous Loving
event with lots of healing practitioners and merchants. As host, it was my job to make sure everyone felt welcome and comfortable, but I also took advantage of this orgy of blissful bodywork and spiritual dialogues. I was particularly fascinated by a reading I received, and a realization came to me suddenly: RELATIONSHIPS ARE LIKE TAROT CARDS.
Here’s the deal: the other people in our lives are reflections of us. Whoever shows up for us at different times and places are like the figures and designs of Tarot Cards – as if the people we interface with represent symbolic meanings beyond the everyday here and now. There are people who sustain our health, people who are the bridge to wealth. There are people who bring us trouble and crash us into a fiery suffering. And there are people whose presence keeps us from claiming the true nature of who we really are.
I see this in my clients. It seems like the people who arrive to me for coaching offer me a mirror of what I am going through at the time. Their work is my work, or an extension of my work. I am attracting people whose destiny is shared with mine, and our journey together is linked by the resonance of an inner search. I am of service to them, a reflective guide as we cross over difficult terrain. Even though I share a simple hour a week with them, and even though when the time is done, the boundary between my life and theirs seals up once again, I am still a presence with them traveling through their darkness into the light. How could I be there for them and not see myself reflected in their courage?
TRY THIS: Take notice of the small, but powerful interactions you have with people over the coming days. Ask yourself some questions and do some reflective writing. Think about who showed up for you and why? What are they leading you to? What are they asking you to think about? Why would a person like that suddenly appear in your life at this moment in time?
One example: In the middle of a frustrating conversation with Amy, as I boarded a plane after a week long training, I pathetically dropped my bag of snacks in first class, right in front of James Arthur Ray, the “guru” whose recent actions at his personal transformation seminar led to the deaths of several people at a sweatlodge in Arizona. At the time, this was like meeting a hero for me – but then only a few months later, he was in the news because of this devastating event. Why would I experience a chance meeting with him, and not someone like him who was less controversial? Why would my life be intertwined, even for a moment, with someone who shifted from a spiritual celebrity (a featured speaker in The Secret) to a public enemy in a matter of weeks.
Think about that.
And think about those small, but significant interactions you will have in the coming days. Think about them like cards you have chosen for a Tarot Reading. Relationships leave all the clues you need, if you allow yourself the open curiosity required to interpret the clues.
HOW CAN HYPNOSIS AFFECT YOUR RELATIONSHIPS? – FREE TELECLASS Thursday, January 28th, 9pm EST. To register, CLICK: HERE
INDIAN LOVE SEDER – An Exotic and Delicious Valentine’s Event at the Courageous Loving Center in Nyack. Sunday, Feb 14th, 2pm. Learn more – CLICK: HERE
LISTEN BELOW TO A CONVERSATION ABOUT KNOWING YOURSELF WITH COURAGEOUS LOVING CO-FOUNDER MICHAEL SHERMAN AND SPIRITUAL HEALER CAROLYN ANANIAN OF THE INNER PATH ONLINE. CAROLYN WILL BE ONE OF THE FEATURED PRACTITIONERS AT COURAGEOUS WELLNESS DAY – AN ALL DAY OPEN HOUSE EXPERIENCE AT THE COURAGEOUS LOVING CENTER IN NYACK, NY ON SUNDAY JAN. 24TH. FOR MORE, CLICK HERE.
How well do you know yourself? On the inside and out?
Take a moment to think about how the world perceives you. This can be a scary proposition for some people. We may be afraid to notice these things about ourselves that are always present but we don’t dare accept. This is the seed of self-criticism. Awareness, even of the ugly, brings liberation.
I am no exception, of course. Ugly thoughts started way too early for me: Too short, too heavy, too slow, too intense, too moody, too Jewish, too weird.
And there’s a lot of truth in that. I perceive it, the world perceives it. Time to accept it.
There’s also – brilliance, kindness, endurance, creativity, innovation and a powerhouse of miracles within me. Time to accept this as well.
We all have this. We all have our dark side, our less attractive side, our difficult side. And we all have dynamic beauty and gorgeous spirituality that connects us to the blissful essence of source and life.
There’s nothing wrong with either side. They just are.
So – here’s a question: How do we get the dark side to work for the light side? How do we ignite the energy of the ugly to be of service to the beautiful.
Think about it and write a response.
Much love,
Michael
RELATIONSHIP QUESTIONS? GET FREE FEEDBACK FROM A COURAGEOUS LOVING COACH VIA EMAIL. CLICK: HERE and Submit your quesiton now.
LISTEN BELOW TO A CONVERSATION WITH COURAGEOUS LOVING
CO-FOUNDERS MICHAEL AND AMY SHERMAN ABOUT A HANDLING DIFFICULT RELATIONSHIPS AT WORK
What feelings go through your body while you are at work? And why?
Before creating Courageous Loving, I was a Middle School Teacher. Every day – for seven years – I faced a room filled with unbridled silliness, mischief and distraction. And that was just the teacher’s lounge.
There was something wonderful about teaching, especially when I was given freedom to express myself and empower the students to do the same (and this is something that I have carried over into the workshops I lead). At the same time, there was a lingering feeling that bristled in my body day after day telling me there was something wrong here, and I was silently, and sometimes not so silently, suffering.
“Only 182 more days,” someone would casually say as we began the school year. “Only 22 more years,” said another, jokingly waiting for retirement. Comments like these filled me with dread, as did unwanted criticism from authority figures, mixed in with out-of-control adolescent behavior. I wanted to revolt and shake the place up (how many of us have known an idealist like this?) Other days, I wanted to hide under my desk with the door locked like a fugitive waiting for the bell to ring.
Not every profession is like public school teaching, but if you work for a living, I invite you to get curious about the emotional experience that happens in your body during the course of a day. TRY THIS – bring a notepad with you and write down the emotions you feel at work as they happen all day long. Some of you may run out of paper before your first bathroom break.
Michael Carroll is the author of the book, Awake at Work. He describes people who severely unsettle us at work as “Tyrants” – but he follows by suggesting that “Welcoming the tyrant sharpens our intelligence and confidence, making us more effective and versatile.“
Here’s the thing about work relationships and emotional poise: The “Tyrant” isn’t the guy who doesn’t say hello in the morning, or the boss who demands with a nasty voice, or the client who refuses to commit with his words or his credit card. The tyrant is the pain-body experience that shape-shifts within us throughout the day as we balance a multiplicity of professional relationships.
It’s okay. We’ve all got one. It’s there for a reason. It’s our greatest teacher.
Learn to welcome your “Tyrant.”
RELATIONSHIP QUESTIONS? GET FREE FEEDBACK FROM A COURAGEOUS LOVING COACH VIA EMAIL. CLICK: HERE and Submit your quesiton now.
“COURAGEOUS WORDS” – 4 WEEK GROUP COACHING PROGRAM – ONLY $125. Begins Wed. Jan 13th at 9pm EST. Learn more – CLICK: HERE
LISTEN BELOW TO AN APPRECIATION DIALOGUE BY MICHAEL AND AMY SHERMAN, CO-FOUNDERS OF COURAGEOUS LOVING
What do you do after offering someone an appreciation? What’s the next step that makes this interchange complete? Certainly, you don’t want to make the appreciation sound self-serving, as if you were offering it simply to get something or to be noticed. However, there is something you can say to create a deeper connection between you and this partner, whether they be someone from your personal or professional life.
Ask for feedback. And receive it.
Now let me be more specific. Ask them, “What touched you or impacted you about my appreciation?” Let yourself speak these words, or something like them. This may not be what they expected to hear or what you expected to say, but think of it this way: you’ve opened a door with your appreciation – now along them to walk through it.
An appreciation, if fully received by your partner, is going to touch their heart. And this may stir memories within them, perhaps not always pleasant memories. I know a story of a young woman who wrote a letter of appreciation to her mother, who happened to be an abusive parent. When the mother received the letter, she ripped it up in front of the daughter. She couldn’t receive the love. It touched a place within her that was filled with bitter, intolerable feelings – the same feelings that led her to act abusively in the first place. The appreciation shed light on those feelings.
This is obviously an extreme and unfortunate example, but the point is this – when we appreciate someone, it touches them in a human place, a vulnerable place, an honest place. Even if this appreciation happens in a professional environment, the person receiving it will feel deep feelings, all kinds of feelings, if they allow themselves to fully receive the appreciation. Let them have the opportunity to express themselves from this place and be received by you. Let them tell you what your appreciation stirred up for them. It completes the exchange and allows for a presence of openness between the two of you.
“What touched you about my appreciation? How did it impact you?”
They may simply say, “It felt good.” Super. That means it landed. That’s all they have to say. That’s all you need to hear.
RELATIONSHIP QUESTIONS? GET FREE FEEDBACK FROM A COURAGEOUS LOVING COACH VIA EMAIL. CLICK: HERE and Submit your quesiton now.
“COURAGEOUS WORDS” – 4 WEEK GROUP COACHING PROGRAM – ONLY $125. Begins Wed. Jan 13th at 9pm EST. Learn more – CLICK: HERE
COURAGEOUS LOVING WANTS TO WISH ALL OF OUR READERS A WONDERFUL HOLIDAY SEASON. PLEASE ENJOY THIS VIDEO BELOW AND LET IT WARM THE SUN THAT LIVES INSIDE YOU. (Kindly excuse the poor picture quality – the essence is there in the music).
Here comes the sun…. I can feel it. The winter has just begun, but I declare that the sun is coming. Even in this New York freeze, the sun is shining. In my interactions with people, I can sense this yearning, I can almost hear people silently asking – “When is the sun, and the fun, and the money, and the love, and the life coming back?”
I’ve got an answer. I’ve made a decision. I’m brining the sun back. I’m choosing to open the curtains of my personality and let out the sun that lives within me. It’s time to live again. It’s time to bring a sense of joy and fascination and love to everything I do, and with everyone in my life.
As a writer and a coach, I have the unique opportunity to engage in profound conversations all day long. I may interact with a client about a deep and intense issue, something that brings them to a place of vulnerability and change. Or I may follow the burning thoughts that drive my pen and my computer keyboard in search of meaning and a message. I’ve proved to myself that I can handle the tough stuff, the dark energy – both my own, and that of my clients. Now it’s time to bring in the light, and the singing and the harmony and the sweetness. And the play!
For me, with all of the great things that have happened in my personal and professional life during this decade, I am ready to move on. This decade started with two towers falling, and it feels like it’s ending in a criss-cross of confusion and distress. I say “ENOUGH!” Time to play a game, time to create art, time to go on a road trip, time to fall in love again.
This might not be your experience. I accept that. But I also invite you to join me in 2010 in a new movement – let’s bring back the sun. It’s time for redemption and renewal. It’s time to let our hearts sing again. It’s time to play like children.
I’m not going to stop doing what I do, stop writing what I write, stop speaking what I speak. But I’m going back to my roots, and my roots are joyfully warm, innocently brilliant and powerfully relentless. I’m going to find the sun that lives within me and let it out, out, OUT! I want to invite all those who desire to do the same to join me. (Write your thoughts above).
I’m going to put more Fun in my Loving and more Fascination in my Courageous-ness. I’m going to do this in my work, and I’m going to do this in my home and with my friends. Let’s turn the page, everyone. If it ain’t fun, it ain’t gonna get done. Period.
Little Darling, it’s been a long, cold lonely decade.
Sun, sun, sun…. here it comes.
Have a wonderful Christmas and a Happy New Year. Leave a comment above.
NEXT STEPS FOR YOU WITH COURAGEOUS LOVING:
“COURAGEOUS WORDS” – Discover what you’re really feeling and find the audience that needs to hear your words. 4 week group coaching program, begins Wed., January 6th, 9-10:15pm EST – $125 – To register or learn more, CLICK: HERE.
FREE FEEDBACK RELATIONSHIP COACHING – Receive an answer to your toughest questions about personal or professional relationships via email. Visit www.FREECOURAGEOUSLOVING.COM and scroll down to the FREE FEEDBACK box.
CLICK THE LINK BELOW TO LISTEN TO A GRATITUDE DIALOGUE WITH COURAGEOUS LOVING CO-FOUNDERS AMY AND MICHAEL SHERMAN
Have you ever experienced a Gratitude Bounce? What is a Gratitude Bounce? Let me offer you a real life example. It all began with me getting lost into some old negativity…
BEFORE THE BOUNCE: Amy and I were home, and something happened that upset me, and I went to a bad place and my bad place sent her to a bad place and those bad places got worse and suddenly the relationship started stinking like old, wet bananas.
SHIFT INTO GRATITUDE: I went to bed thinking, “My god, we’re better than this…” and 
I went back to the drawing board. Keep things simple. I listened to a some material on a Jack Canfield CD, talking about getting back to gratitude. Waking up and putting your feet on the floor – Foot 1: “Thank.” Foot 2: “You.” And then focusing all day on everything to be grateful for. What’s working? What am I not paying attention to that is serving me?
GRATITUDE DIALOGUE: So I created a Gratitude Dialogue, that you can listen to above. Nothing to crazy, it’s something that integrates gratitude with being received by a partner. In this way, the gratitude bounces back and forth against each other, inspiring the next piece of gratitude. I’m grateful that my car is healthy. She’s grateful that our daughter is healthy. I’m grateful to have such a cool daughter. Bounce, bounce, bounce, like playing catch.
MENTAL BOUNCE: So the results from all of this gratitude is a mental bounce – the two of us reconnecting, refocusing on what we notice and saying Thank You, again and again – it has led to a shift in my mood, and in fact, there’s been more rings at the phone for business. Gratitude helps us get in the flow and we begin to give our gifts again as we are meant to.
Whatever we do or say with our partners bounces up against us like a ball. What energy do you want to be bouncing? If you experience a gratitude bounce, your mood will bounce upward, your relationship will rediscover positivity and your approach to business will give you a lift. Find someone who will receive you – and then you receive them back. This is where the work grows roots.
I encourage you to experience a gratitude bounce as we go into the holidays!
Comments above!
Warmly, Michael Sherman, Co-founder of Courageous Loving.
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"Give Inner Peace A Chance" Bracelets
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Are you experiencing enough Inner Peace in your life?
I can easily answer that for myself: NO WAY! But I know that Inner Peace is at my fingertips in any moment, and the clues are found in my relationships. When I think about the relationships which frustrate me, or have troubled me in the past, it’s as if each one of them is giving me a particular homework project to grow into particular character traits that will take my life to the next level. One relationship is calling me to improve my health and become more physically attractive. Another relationship is calling me to be more relaxed in public situations. Still another relationship is calling me to close the door and let go, as hard as that may be for me to do.
Dr. Wayne Dyer is a wonderful author and expert who has a great way of teaching others how to respond to the call to change. Watch this video below.
There’s a real mystery to Dr. Dyer’s words here. Infinite patience leads to immediate results. For me, what that means is that if I can respond to situations, particular the ones that frustrate me repeatedly in difficult relationships, with a sense of infinite patience — or in other words, with a sense of trust in the patience of the infinite, then I will be shown how to shift. I will be able to infer the instructions that this relationship or situation is teaching me – although the message will come to me as a mystery, as a message sent by the energy of infinite patience that is embodied in all relationships — especially the ones that frustrate us. Those are homework assignments. How will we respond to them?
So – here are some questions: Are you experiencing enough Inner Peace in your life? What does the idea of infinite patience mean to you? Where can you discover this infinite patience? Scroll up and leave a comment.
JOIN US FOR A FREE TELESEMINAR: “GIVE INNER PEACE A CHANCE” – Discover what your Higher Self is trying to teach you. Thursday, December 10th, 9-10pm EST.
To RSVP – CLICK: HERE.
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LISTEN BELOW TO A CONVERSATION WITH QI GONG TRAINER PAUL LAMB AND HOLISTIC NURSE AND HYPNOTIST DOROTHY WHITTON (CLICK NAMES FOR THEIR WEBSITES).
So much of what happens in relationships triggers all kinds of feelings within us. Sometimes these are feelings of joy and exuberance, and other times these are feelings of frustration and despair. It all starts with our bodies, so if we long to discover the healing path of relationships, we will always be brought back to our bodies.
Paul Lamb and Dorothy Whitton are two experts who know how to awaken the Healer Within. Listen to this conversation with them above and leave a comment.
IF YOU LIVE IN THE NYACK, NY AREA, JOIN US THIS SUNDAY, DECEMBER 6th at 3pm, FOR A WORKSHOP WITH PAUL AND DOROTHY AT THE COURAGEOUS LOVING CENTER. “THE HEALER WITHIN” – $10 in advance – to learn more or register, CLICK: HERE.
LISTEN BELOW TO A LIVE IMAGO DIALOGUE BETWEEN AMY AND MICHAEL SHERMAN OF COURAGEOUS LOVING:
One of the things I’ve learned over the years becoming a husband and a father is that appreciation goes a long way. Offering an appreciation truly shifts the energy between Amy and myself – whether it be during a time where we feel good about each other and we want to feel even better, or if we’re losing our cool and we need to stop the bleeding.
Having worked as an Imago Dialogue Coach for several years now, one of the most curious pieces about this form of dialogue is how it allows one to slip into a deeper place of reflection while still being connected with your partner. In other words, Amy can appreciate me for what kind of father I am, which is terrific to hear, but when she shares why that appreciation is important to her or what it gives her, it allows her to go to a place within – perhaps an old memory or an unfulfilled need. By voicing this, she creates an even deeper connection between us. She allows me to witness that deeper place within her. Which is a very cool thing to experience.
“I appreciate how you play with our daughter…. and what that means to me is that I can really relax about my being a mother. I can know that my daughter is in good hands, and that puts me at ease. I can feel like I am really home.”
See, that first part is a terrific appreciation – but the second part deepens the connection between Amy and myself and between Amy and herself! By my knowing what this really means to her, the next time I play with our daughter, I may be reminded of Amy’s words, which will anchor a in me feeling of deep positivity which I could not do myself.
So take a moment – think about someone you appreciate (or someone who is frustrating to you, but who you would be willing to stretch towards by offering an appreciation). Think of why you appreciate them, and then think about what that appreciation means to you, or explain why it is important to you.
TODAY’S QUESTION: What is something that touches you about someone in your life? Kindly share your appreciation about that person on this blog by scrolling up and clicking the comment link.
Thank you.
Warmly, Michael
FOR PARENTS – JOIN US FOR A FREE TELESEMINAR ON EMPOWERED PARENTING DURING THE HOLIDAYS. THURSDAY, DECEMBER 3rd at 9PM EST. To RSVP – CLICK: HERE or Submit a question to be answered by our Teleseminar Trainer, Parenting Expert, Dr. Kathleen Cuneo. To submit your question, CLICK: SURVEY
